


First Impressions & Inevitable Revelations **Discontinued for now, sorry!**

by DidiNyx



Series: 2018 Lams Fics [6]
Category: American Revolution RPF, Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex is a mess, Developing Relationship, Eventual Fluff, Father-Son Relationship, Friendship/Love, Gay John Laurens, Historical References, John is a Saint, John is trying, LGBTQ Themes, Lams - Freeform, M/M, Mutual Pining, Self-Discovery, alex crushing, honestly i think this could be better but hey, introspection (minor), just dont think about it too much, laf is a good friend too btw, lafayette just ships it omg, lafayette the third wheel, some historical inaccuracy, tbh it sounds cooler than what it is, what are details, yo if you guys prefer john's historical appearance...im sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-06 07:24:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14636922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DidiNyx/pseuds/DidiNyx
Summary: aka Alex is dumbfounded cuz he crushing on Washington's newest aideenjoy the disaster gays of the 1700s





	First Impressions & Inevitable Revelations **Discontinued for now, sorry!**

**Author's Note:**

> Originally going to be one chapter and I know I probably could've written this better but for now this what I can come up with <: I just really wanted to post something hehe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the beginning before we get into the more detailed, cool ish. slightly unedited

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope this okay for now. :)

Even with the war raging on throughout the months, everything seemed to be in order (by Alexander's expectations, anyway). Sure, life as an American colonist certainly wasn't glorious with Britain on their heels and the constant threats inevitable when you're living dangerously, fighting every single day for even the bare necessities. Just the anticipation of battle was enough to drive one insane. But supplies weren't yet in their worst shape and with General Washington on the frontlines, Alexander was sure it was all a matter of time before independence and victory were theirs. Time and time again proved that no matter what trouble came to Alex, the young aide could handle just about anything.

However, that didn't mean unexpected twists weren't visible, and the arrival of a new aide was just what everyone needed to knock the balance of things slightly off.

"You've _got_ to be kidding me," Alexander muttered under his breath, clutching the letter as if it would become the bane of his existence. A recommendation letter. Not just for a volunteer soldier, but for a new aide. One which happened to be a senator's son.

"Well, I'll be damned."

Honestly, perhaps it was his fault for snooping in the first place. He may have been an aide, but Washington was required to know of any knew soldiers first, right? All he managed was to put himself in a conflicting position. The aides' office was already crowded and Alex really wasn't a people person. Besides, Senator Henry Laurens really went out to brag about how affluent and seemingly talented his son was. He was curious, maybe even jealous. Another aide meant possible competition, and how could a bastard orphan from the impoverished Caribbean compete with so many variables?

Alexander was on thin ice anyway.

(God, when did he start caring?)

Alexander stuffed the letter inside his jacket and sprinted off to find Lafayette, the only person he could confide in that wouldn't crush his pride in such a dire situation. (Well, for the most part, anyway.) He trusted Lafayette's judgment, and the man was certainly the only thing close Alex had to as a friend. (He still refused to accept the fact that he enjoyed having Lafayette around. He couldn't afford to be that reliable on someone, especially during the war when death was, of course, common by a variety of factors.)

He ran into Lafayette, just outside Washington's office.

" _Mon Dieu_!" the taller man cried, spinning toward Alex quickly, hand at the knife attached to his belt in a reflex. "Don't do that, _mon ami_!"

Alex huffed. "Stop whining, I need to show you something."

Lafayette's brown eyes lit up with excitement, a contrast to his previous threatening and alarmed expression. "A secret?" he asked in childish glee, even in spite of his official uniform and the weapon at his side.

"Pfft," Alex scoffed. "Why do you automatically assume I've been hiding something?"

Lafayette shrugged. "Seems like a typical Alexander thing."

"Define that," Alex cooly replied, eyes narrowing.

"Hmm, _non_ , I just think you're secretive that way. Er-no offense."

_Why must he be so apologetic? And nice? That shouldn't be natural, right?_

"Well, anyway, I haven't even shown Washington this-"

Lafayette frowned disapprovingly.

"-but I need a second opinion. But, ah, maybe we should stand away from his office."

Lafayette looked uncomfortable. "What is it?" Of course he'd be one to question, he's practically Washington's pet.

"A letter. Now come."

Lafayette pushed on: "Alex, if it's really urgent-"

"It's not!" Alex protested. "Come." He dragged his friend by his ruffled sleeves and lead him to a closed off spot a good few feet away from Washington's office, glancing around to spot intruders before pulling out the letter.

Lafayette squinted at the letter's cursive printing. "South Carolina?"

"A recommendation letter."

The Marquis obviously didn't understand Alexander's concern, and the latter continued: "A senator's son... to be a volunteer soldier. _And_ aide."

Lafayette grinned. "We have a new brother!"

Alex sighed, exasperated, before running a hand through his ginger hair. _Brother_. Ew. That made the situation seem worse- more... sappy? Was that the right word? _Intimate_. No, Alex couldn't stand that. Family- no. He didn't have one, and he planned to keep it that way.

"Gilbert... Don't you think we have plenty of aides?"

"One more could never hurt the war effort," Lafayette reasoned, and Alex clicked his tongue in agreement but refused to give any verbal satisfaction. "I didn't know you were so comfortable with Tench, Meade, Harrison, and the other boys, along with myself," he added as a joke.

Alex turned red. "You know as well as I that's not the problem."

"I don't understand..."

" _Here_. Read it. It's-it's-well, it's unbelievable!" Alex cursed himself for stuttering, though Lafayette made no attempt to tease him about it. He loyally took the letter and scanned through it, listening to Alex's side comments and retorts.

Lafayette laughed afterward. "Ha! Quite a description Henry has."

" _See_ what I mean?"

"I still don't get it. He's a new aide, so what? Does Alexander have _competition_?"

Alex bounced up and down impatiently. ignoring his friend's sly remark. "For all we know he can be conceited. I, for one, do not trust him. How can someone that ' _perfect_ ' swear upon loyalty to His Excellency? I mean-"

"Is this about what happened last week?"

Alex was fuming at this point, and glared at Lafayette coldly. "Must you assume that?"

Lafayette held up his palms in surrender. "I'm just saying, _mon ami_ , you can be very protective of your role here. Proud. Quite the beholder of bragging rights, too."

"And wouldn't _you_? Washington adores you."

"Ah, so this is a matter of Washington's affection?"

"His _respect_ ," hissed Alex. He hated looking vulnerable, hated that he let Lafayette see how much it was getting to him. But he could still win this fight-

"Hey," Lafayette said gently, placing a hand on Alex's shoulders. Alex flinched and kept his eyes down, though his head still remained defiantly toward Lafayette. "Washington respects _all_ of us. Even after- you know, _that_ \- I doubt he'd trust any other aide as much as you. He sees your potential- we all do. There's nothing to worry about."

Alex jerked his shoulder away, letting Lafayette's hand drop harshly. "Considerably so, but I'd still stay on guard. There are spies everywhere, you never know where anyone's loyalties stand much anymore."

If Lafayette opposed Alex's opinion, he didn't let it show. (Smart move on his part.) "So... what do you say? We tell Washington?"

Alex nodded hesitantly. "He needs to know. We need to tell the other aides, too. There may be other arrangements needed."

"Right." Lafayette stretched, smile returning. "Okay then! We have some people to inform. _Mon Dieu_ , I love this job."

* * *

"I hate this job," Alex muttered darkly.

Lafayette elbowed his shoulder, which resulted in Alex yelping. "Shush, or Washington will hear you!"

"I don't give a damn!" Alex insisted. "Washington already went out for the night, so you can chill."

It was true. If the aides' office wasn't there safe spot, _nothing_ was. The room was a decent size, orange candlelight illuminating the dark, wooden walls along with the mini windows in the very front and back. Two tables were pushed together to make verbal discourse easier among the men, not to mention provide a more spacious area to transcribe Washington's letters. Small bookshelves aligned the walls, supplying them with French-English dictionaries and countless other reference sheets regarding the war and their occupation. Usually homely, sometimes the dark walls seemed ominous and oppressing when arguments broke out (which, granted, wasn't too uncommon).

 " _Someone_ might hear you," Lafayette pressed on. "Then they could report it to Washington!"

"Oh, please. Like His Excellency would believe their word over ours."

Lafayette muttered under his breath but let Alex take the victory. 

"All I'm saying is that it's not even necessary to be the ones to introduce him to camp, or whatever. We could be losing valuable time-"

" _Alexander_ ," Lafayette chided. "Isn't this your perfect opportunity to study our new aide? I mean, I don't want you to scare him off, but here's your chance to get all personal with him so you can satisfy your paranoia." Alex scoffed, but Lafayette continued: "Besides, we'd be doing His Excellency a favor. That's also our job, Alex. We don't just transcribe letters."

For once, Alex felt his tactics be cornered, though annoyed with his friend's useless reminders. The Marquis _did_ bring up a very valid point, though. It _would_ be the perfect opportunity...

"It would kind of be like apologizing in a sense," Alex mumbled. "To repay Washington..."

Now Lafayette could take the victory. "See? Good boy." He ruffled Alex's hair as the redhead tried to slap his arm away.

"You two just gonna stand there like a bunch of lame boys all night, or what?" Tench said over their shoulder, holding a candle. Meade and Harrison weren't too far behind.

Alex huffed. For unknown reasons, the guy could easily sneak up on anyone as if his sole purpose was to chide all the younger men just because he was older. "We were getting there."

Tench hummed, ignoring Alex's irritation. "I see you two are much more excited to meet this new aide?"

Lafayette nodded. "We get a new family member."

Alex rolled his eyes. "I thought I'd be the best to observe him."

Tench raised his eyebrows. "Oh?"

"Yes. Someone needs to keep him in his place."

Tench laughed, loud and obnoxious with a superior air as if he was jesting with his younger sibling.

" _I_ for one am curious to see how capable he is," Meade said in an even ton.

Harrison nodded. "The more the merrier, I guess."

Alex cocked his head.

"Intimidated, Alexander?" Tench asked. "A _volunteer_ aide from the wealthy South..." He shook his head. "Nothing to be worried about, I suppose."

"Doesn't sound promising?" Meade questioned, frowning.

Tench shrugged. "I personally don't have an accurate view." He turned to appraise Alex. "But still, Alexander amuses me sometimes with his precautions." He gave the shorter aide a teasing glare.

"I hate this 'family'."

"Hmm. You're fired."

"Ha!" Alex cried as Harrison, Meade, and Lafayette shared a collective glance.

"Inform us if he just so happens to be a spy, or ruffian, or whatever." The other aides laughed as Tench eyed Lafayette. "Good night, sir." He glanced back at Alex. "Stay out of trouble, yes?"

Alex smiled cheekily and mock-saluted. "Of course."

Once Tench left, Alex said his farewells to Lafayette and went off to his own cot.

Lafayette glanced at the ceiling with a loud sigh. "Poor John. Alex is going to eat this man alive."

Meade hummed. "Better him than Washington."

Harrison made a _tsk-tsk_ sound. "God help us all."

* * *

_"General, you wished to see me?"_

_Washington looked up from his desk, taking off the reading glasses on his face and lacing his fingers together. Alex swallowed, trying to find amusement in seeing His Excellency in a more homely way; he usually never wore his reading glasses and admitted to disliking them. Alex wanted to be proud that he got to witness the general differently than most, but reminded himself that Washington would never be his father._ Silly things like that do not matter, stop being a kid.

_The general still wore his masked expression of professionalism and cold curiosity. "Sit down, Lt. Colonel."_

_This is one man he could (even if grudgingly) obey. Alex sat, hands clasped together almost nervously. "What do you need, sir?"_

_"Only your honesty," Washington said with a small sigh. "You've always a handful, Alexander, but why now are you trying to stir trouble with some of your fellow soldiers? The fighting and whatnot."_

_Alex bit the inside of his cheek. "That has been nothing more than a little scuffle."_

_"I disagree."_

_"I'm being honest with you," Alex snapped suddenly. "What do you expect, with their disgusting talk of loyalists and failing and the disgrace of your very name-"_

_"You don't have to engage with their talk. You don't have to converse."_

_"If I_ don't, _where would that lead us?" Alex demanded. "We need-"_

_"I can tell you what we don't need," Washington said angrily. "Aides and respected men like you getting in even more trouble by doing what you have done."_

_"What? Doing my damned job?"_

_There was a pause. The general's face softened, and though Alex didn't have enough experience to compare it with a fatherly look, it almost seemed that way to him. "Alexander," he said in an even tone. "You've earned your place. You don't have to fight."_

_"Bullshit. This is a war, in case you've forgotten." Pride took over, and with flushed cheeks, Alex hastily stood and slammed the door on his way out. Not many other men at camp could say they were as bold to be able to do that, or that Washington had a special spot for them in their heart- enough to let someone walk away during a vital scolding._ _His Excellency was ready to follow but thought better of it._

You don't have to fight.

Stand up and fight, you damned boy.

If you stand for nothing, what'll you fall for?

You can't afford to stop. Then you'll be powerless yet again.

_Seeking refuge, Alex sprinted outside the camp. In an impulse, he decided to climb the nearest tree and took a deep breath when he was finally alone. Discipline issues? Sure, he admitted. Paranoid? Well, yes, a direct result of where he had come from. If satisfaction could not reach on his own terms- if he couldn't help the country- what could possibly be the point of all this? He could lose it all. And Alex wasn't ready to start all over again._

_Alex let out a long exhale and pressed his back against the bark._ _He was sick off accusations, sick of running, sick of people thinking he was less than, not capable. Sick of people either babying him all the time or cutting him down for their own gain. Sick of being reminded who he used to be._

You don't have to fight.

_He was sick of feeling guilty. If memories of death and natural disasters didn't haunt him forever, he swore that Washington's disappointment would._

* * *

 The bright sun _should_ have been calming, of all things. It helped that things were- more or less- _normal_ , if that word could still exist in these times. Soldiers were still training or doing their respective duties. No odd battle or fight had begun. Letters were still transcribed and whiskey was still consumed. But even the most experienced of men in battle could be intimidated by the General himself.

Alex took a deep breath. "Ready?"

Lafayette rolled his eyes fondly. "It's not a battle, you don't have to look so worried."

Except he did. Because his job was on the line and he really didn't want to mess anything up.

With a quick knock on the door, Washington's voice welcomed him in and Alex straightened as he led Lafayette into the small room. Besides His Excellency's single desk, two miniature bookshelves and a waiting bench, the office was bare. If the aides didn't know any better they may have missed the ominous feel to the room, the way Washington forced your attention with eyes that seemed to permanently search your face warningly, effortlessly. 

The general, however, suppressed a smile- a weary, tired one. One of an experienced mentor who's seen too much blood and death and famine to be scared by the war's threat anymore, as if recalling battles and moments in history both Lafayette and Alexander were too young and ignorant to witness or understand properly. One in which Alex deeply admired and respected.

"Hello, sirs," His Excellency greeted warmly. "I appreciate you volunteering to dedicate your time today to welcome a fellow brother and soldier for the cause."

Lafayette nodded enthusiastically. "Of course! Anything for you, _Monsieur_."

Alex nodded, forcing an easygoing smile. "Henry's letter was quite intriguing."

Lafayette gave Alex a warning look like _If you know what's good for you, stop speaking._

Washington chuckled, the tension dropping. This may have been their boss, but he shared similar troubles and amusements. Sometimes it was easy to forget Washington was human too and not just some legendary figure coined from fellow Revolutionaries. "Ah, yes. John should be arriving here shortly. Show him around the majority of the camp. Give him the new survey. Make sure gets his room, and answer all of his questions for me. And when it's time, make sure your fellow aides get a chance to say hi too."

The two nodded faithfully.  _Question him,_ Alex added in the back of his mind.  _But lowkey. Don't make him suspicious. You don't need any other enemies._

"He has his uniform and whatnot?" Lafayette asked.

Washington confirmed this. "He should have all supplies, except, of course, a proper weapon. He'll get that today, too."

"Sir..." Alex started, reluctant. 

His Excellency raised an eyebrow, so Alex continued: "Out of curiosity, why'd you accept him to be an aide? Volunteer soldier I get, but...?"

Washington shrugged, considering this. "He's intelligent. He's willing to take the job. He seems quite capable."

"Also," Lafayette cleared his throat. "We need all the men we can get."

Washington nodded, but Alex pressed on: "Does he have any experience?"

This amused the general. "Not all of us have had a lifetime of war, Alexander."

Alex felt his face redden. He _knew_ that- _he_ didn't have that experience. Nor Lafayette- hell, he _snuck_ into America and only after many attempts got his position on Washington's staff. 

"Of course. But- the letter. It-"

There was a timid knock at the door. Washington looked up, curious as Alex gulped and shared a glance with Lafayette.

"Come in."

The door opened, revealing a new face, and Alex nearly choked in surprise. He was obviously the new aide- John Laurens. Tall and lean with a mass of curly, dark hair tied back in a ponytail, he allured your attention (not to mention the dozens of dark freckles heavily coating his face). His bright eyes immediately caught Washington's expecting smile, then darted to catch a glance at Alex and Lafayette. Alex froze, feeling like the scene was just _wrong_. John already wore their uniform with the proper colors, buttons, cravat, everything... _He's new and yet he wears it so naturally, like he's been here forever,_ Alex concluded. _Odd?_

"Hi," he said simply in a tenor voice. "One of the guys up front led me here. Shall we get started?"

 _Hmm. Faint Southern accent. Uniform... Impressive?_ Alex narrowed his eyes now, especially at Lafayette's grin. Always a social butterfly...

"Of course! Welcome. Today I have Marquis de Lafayette and Lt. Alexander Hamiton to show you around and ask you a few survey questions. Part of the routine and all."

John smiled at them. _Shit, that's not fair,_ Alex thought. _Even his smile is perfect._

Lafayette shook hands with John. Alex hesitated but did the same with his best charming smile. John's hands were warm and soft to the touch, and as he greeted Alex with a bright smile Alex felt himself getting hot and clammy. Looking into those eyes was a mistake as well.

As Washington gave him the basic introduction to camp, Alex scoped John all over- reading his body language, trying to sense whatever the man was feeling at the moment. He seemed nervous but overall collected- maybe even excited. Alex was half-expecting someone with obvious conceit and pride. John didn't express any of that. He seemed... humble. Eager. 

Alex winced, confused with his own emotions. He could almost hear Lafayette saying _Yeah, your expectations are shit, buddy._ God, Alex hated karma.

**Author's Note:**

> queennyxie.tumblr.com
> 
> i'm going to continue this later :^)) don't worry though because i have plans...


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